I stopped learning a while ago
Now I feel dumb
Last week, I finally had the chance to head out with an old friend. As expected of every introvert like myself, I did not want to go at first. The outing had been pushed back for months, but on this blessed Friday, I got her text
“Yo, I’m already on the road oo, I’ll soon be there.”
I then proceeded to gather the last bit of strength and willpower I had, to finally get up and dress up to go meet her.
We got to Ouida by like 2 pm and were told that they weren’t open that day. In my head, we had succeeded in heading out and wasting money, but if it meant I could get back to my bed earlier, I guess it wasn’t so bad.
But my friend was persistent and had this ability to convince people. It was how I got there in the first place and how she was able to convince the people in the store to allow us take a ‘quick look’ at the books they had in store for a couple minutes, and then we’ll leave.
Things started off awkward, to be honest, since the whole place was pretty much empty. Other than my friend, the bookstore staff and me, the only other eyes were the striking stare we got from “Mona’s Eyes”. One thing led to another, and I found myself in the middle of a playful, heated argument with my friend and the staff member who was hesitant to let us in about what form of fiction is best in novels, thriller or pure romance.
It was in the middle of that argument that I realised the people I was arguing with kept saying things along the lines of
‘When I finished reading this book last week, I ….’
‘Last month, I picked up this book on….’
On the other hand, I couldn’t relate and was speaking in vague, because I hadn’t picked up a book in years. As a matter of fact, I hadn’t picked up anything to learn for a while. I had sort of just been existing and surviving from day to day.
This realisation, alongside many other ‘epiphanies’ I’ve been having, has made me understand that maybe, just maybe, the reason I’ve been feeling numb and lost these past couple months….check out past posts if you want more context…. might just be because I’ve not really been devoted to anything for a while now.
When I was younger, I sort of had addictions that I followed. It could have been TV shows, an obsession with storybooks, always making it a mission to argue with at least one teacher every week, or finding a new trick to impress friends in school. In the grand scheme of things, these addictions weren’t immediately useful, but if I were to zoom out and risk sounding like the most rationalistic person in the world, I would say those activities from when I was younger were able to keep me learning and my mind active, whether it be by following storylines, pushing creativity or searching for arguments.
Now, though, I just scroll through YouTube Shorts because I believe TikTok is mental poison, and I keep getting my 1-minute dopamine hit every time I scroll to the point where I just get tired of social media.
Only for like 30 minutes though, then I’m back to X lmao. It really is a vicious cycle. Oh well…
As for the trip to the bookstore, it was quite fun, to be honest. It was surprisingly quite fun to talk about books we couldn’t open. I should really go out more.
Word of advice, if reading isn’t your hobby and you want to get into it, please do well not to fall in love with physical copies. These stupid things are expensive asf. That being said, the song for the day comes from ‘A broken people’s playlist’. A book where each chapter comes with a song attached to it. The song I’ve chosen, Hurt by Johnny Cash. Enjoy!!!
*Ouida is a bookstore/workspace in Lagos, Nigeria.
please y'all should get Louis at least one book every month.. we can start with ''Tomorrow Died Yesterday by Chimeka Garricks''
thanksss
p.s: your friend is so pretty btw :)